So I found a tall, Welsh, bearded rugby player on Bumble 👍🏻
They have question prompts on Bumble profiles and everyone is so bloody predictable:
Mountains or Beach?
Why do I have to choose, I pick both!
Bearded dragon however:
How did your year five teacher describe you?
A great shag.
Funny. Creepy but funny.
However he then followed it up with:
How would your mum describe you?
Also a great shag.
I obviously messaged him on his excellent taste in jokes and he said I was the first one to notice….how so?! I’m clearly the only creepy lady on Bumble.
So I shared this with a colleague and one of his friends used to use the ‘chat up line’ :
I want to drink your dirty bath water
What the actual fuck?! I like creepiness but I think this is other level. The worse thing is that it sometimes worked 😱
Then there are the direct guys…one man wrote
I’m into push the thong to the side and straight in sex
He wrote this on his profile!
It’s a bit explicit but personally I would rather read that than this which is disappointingly common:
☑️ 6 foot tall (apparently that’s important)
☑️ Own house
☑️ Own car
☑️ Own teeth
☑️ No crazy ex
Which I find INSULTING TO WOMEN. Like that’s all we want. No need to tell me about what you’re interested in, what your personality is like. We just want very basic things, but obviously the hilarious joke about teeth makes it ok.
And then there are the cunts:
Looking for a women who knows how to look after herself
I mean… I know how to look after myself. I’m good at me time. I read, I buy myself donuts, I take naps. But I suspect ‘look after herself’ means ‘is skinny and waxed’.
And then the downright twatty:
Don’t swipe right if you’re punching above your weight
Anyway, baby is awake so rant over for today