Mama loves food

After a lot of interest from my fan base (kirsty) here is another food blog. Basically just what I ate in a day:

Breakfast: five chunky stacked American pancakes (pretty much the only thing this cook makes from scratch), good chunk of salty butter, fait bit of maple syrup and three quarters of a pack of the fanciest looking streaky bacon sainsburys had on offer (pre covid panic).

Lunch: three jam donuts eaten silently in the car when Emily slept. Followed by random mouthfuls of these salty treats:

Post lunch: one quarter of a pack of leftover bacon eaten cold while hiding in the fridge door.

Snacks: occasional handfuls of cheese chunks, cucumber sticks, grapes and blueberries that Emily cast onto the floor.

Dinner: Paella ready meal. I know lockdown could provide a perfect opportunity to create fresh food but quite frankly I can’t be fucked with that. I also drank a really cold bottle of coke with lemon because sugar is my new coping strategy and lemon makes it fruit.

Post dinner stress eating: whatever the fuck I could cram in my mouth when Emily was distracted, this includes (but is not limited to) the following:

1 of these, vegan but moist AF

Somewhere between 2 and 4 of these:

And a selection of my dream box of mixed chocolates, which at least included: mini daims, mini snickers, quality street coconut bite, mini milky way

I definitely would have continued the eating further but Emily needed bath time and Emily’s bed time equals my bed time as I’m absolutely bloody exhausted from working full time at the same time as parenting full time as both things are separate jobs.

What a dickhead

No I’m not talking about a toddler (or ex) here.

But I’ve had this massive dickhead somehow get into my head and all he (I’m making it a man, obviously) says is:

‘you’re not good at anything’

‘you’re not good at anything’

I’m not sure how he gained access. I’m not hormonal, I’m no more tired than usual, no one has been mean to me and yet here my unwelcome lodger is.

Fuck you men

Obviously theory one is going to be thrown at men. But not in the men are shit way I normally like to joke about. In the I’m dating someone who is good at everything way. He is an actual, genuine, proper adult. Whereas I can’t even buy lightbulbs properly. Rather than thinking it is nice to be dating someone who is intelligent it just makes me aware of everything I don’t know (a lot), and all the things I’m shit at (pretty much everything). And then I jump on the negative thought train and things spiral and I start acting like a weirdo which is less than ideal.

Maybe I’m the fuck up

Theory two kind of suggests that this dickhead isn’t in fact a dickhead but a fact teller. I keep fucking up. Multiple times I have forgotten to put my handbreak on and rather than thinking, fuck I forgot my handbreak, I sat in a confused gaze wondering how the world is moving away from my car and what has happened to my eyesight. I smashed a glass last night, I spill drinks on a daily basis and my ability to remember a password is laughable. I have three debit / credit cards on rotation (plus cash reserves) as normally at least one is missing.

Whilst these things can be acceptable, or even endearing if you are Zooey Deschanel type with other skills. However I can’t counter act my deficiencies with… incredible cake baking skills (?) I’m not actually sure what makes up for the above. What I do know is that if someone asked me what I’m good at I would answer…uh…um…modesty?

Or it is that toddlers fuck you up

My back up scape goat after men, toddlers. Because what’s the point in becoming a parent if you can’t blame crap on your child.

I know that one of the things I would like to say I’m good at is parenting. But after the absolute fiasco that was shoe shopping in Clarks today (among many many other things) I’m backing away from that one. And although Emily isn’t asking questions yet I’m somewhat bracing myself for all the questions that she will ask that I know zero about. My science knowledge is zero, I know the name of only one dinosaur – I’ve no idea what children want the answers to but I’m guessing plenty of stuff I have no idea about. And if I did once know then I’ve probably forgotten due to sleep deprivation. Lose lose.

The antidote

Haha…obviously I don’t know the solution. That’s what the whole post is about, how useless I am.

I do however love a good moan so today I’ve whinged to my dad and one of my WhatsApp groups. Whilst my wonderful ego flattering school friends did a fabulous job, my inner dickhead could think of a counter argument to everything (cunt).

As my solution to everything is reading, I’m going to try to read my way out of this one. Even if it is unsuccessful at least it is a distraction that may get me out of this funk.

I’m thinking The Chimp Paradox may be relevant, but I also think it could be patronising corporate bullshit which will piss me off.

Potentially The Comparison Cure, however I think this may be less relevant and just something I want to read because Instagram told me to.

So I’d really appreciate any good recommendations for self help books / blogs / other to evict the dickhead. Thanks.