1st August: And back to work

Today was my first day at work after over a year off.

I had been quite nervous about it. Nervous about leaving Emily. Nervous about my ability to get ready on time whilst looking after Emily. Nervous about being awake enough to do some work. Nervous about missing her and feeling out of place after so long off.

It turned out to be a lovely day.

I woke up at 6.30 and snuck away for a shower…then I had to go back to feed Emily. She decided that it was a good time to have a nice long breastfeed and cuddle and each time I tried to get away there were tears. Luckily my dad and grandma arrived at 7.30 so I could actually do my hair, dress and put make up on.

My Dad needed my car (with the car seat) today so I had to take his car. It is an old Ford Focus and does not drive easily so that was a bit of stress. I also couldn’t work the bloody radio so I had the rattly sound of the motorway for most of my journey…which was annoying as the perk of a long boring drive should be the music.

But I arrived fifteen minutes early which was perfect. I had lots of welcomes and a few hugs. One of my colleagues even offered to move desks so I could have a better one. He then assisted with my many, many IT queries.

Another colleague came in with a bag of presents and a little welcome back we missed you card. I had a mini cafetiere and coffee and stroopwaffels. A perfect gift.

Then the company paid for the office to have bacon sandwiches delivered.

It was wonderful being an adult without a baby for the day. I caught up on gossip, we made inappropriate jokes and it felt like I hadn’t been away. At lunch three of us went over to Costa for coffee and cake, so it still kind of felt like maternity leave anyway.

Someone was leaving the company so we all gathered around her for the present giving and discussed her recent tough mudder challenge. A few of us decided to do it as a group next year. We had a lengthy discussion on what is harder: childbirth or tough mudder. Two of us who hadn’t done tough mudder (but had given birth) decided childbirth was easier. The only one who had done both decided tough mudder was easier. Either way I hope we do tough mudder together. I’ve always been a bit pathetic and I think I need a really hard challenge to feel a bit more proud of myself.

And then at the end of the day someone brought her two week old baby in and I had a cuddle. It was gorgeous.

Then before I left I stayed back for a chat with one of the directors. He got a bit angry at my ex and launched into a men are shit discussion but then proceeded to wrack his brains for someone he could set me up with as I’m too good to be on online dating. Always nice to have a bit of sympathy and a compliment…even if I did tell him I was happy single it was quite funny that he was insistent on thinking up a good match for me.

Anyway I’m home and pretty tired but also feeling generally good about things.

I just feel bad for my poor dad who looked absolutely exhausted when I arrived home and just said ‘she wouldn’t be put down’ in a state of bewilderment. Then said how much respect he has for me doing it all alone. But in fairness I’m in my 30s and he is in his 60s so I think that’s where the difference is.

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