14th May: A cheeky biscuit thief

So it was my almost ex’s almost birthday and I suggested we go out for lunch so that he could see the baby. Aren’t I a good samaritan 👼

We went to Reds True Barbecue in Leeds and ordered a ridiculous quantity of food. I had mac and cheese balls to start (nice but I kind of felt it needed jalapeños in…I had been craving the nacho cheese popper things Burger King do) and then a selection of wings, ribs, brisket, pulled pork, chilli, sausage, chicken thighs, salad, slaw, chips, onion rings and garlic bread to share. I thought I’d get all the ‘we get on so well why can’t we stay married’ regrets / what ifs… but I was actually fine.

After I dropped the almost ex back off at work I went to Temple Newsam to enjoy the sunshine, I’m going to post a load of photos now as it was GLORIOUS:

We stopped for a drink in the stables area and obviously a peruse around the gift shop. I absolutely love browsing stately home gift shops, I generally don’t buy anything other than an occasional Christmas decoration but I do like a browse.

There is a proper cafe and also a food shop with a coffee machine and tables. I couldn’t quite be arsed with taking the pushchair into the cafe and balancing tray etc (oh yes, I convinced her into the pushchair – parenting award my way please)…. Soo we went to the shop and got one of the fancy sparkling orange juices where there is foil on the top of the can, Aranciata or something. You know what I mean. And a packet of biscuits. A whole packet was unnecessary but stupidly cost less than a single iced biscuit so I was being SENSIBLE (greedy). Then we went on our merry way to somewhere grassy for a wriggle:

I used my best parenting technique of lie still while the baby crawls on you / crawls away. As you can see there was a distinct lack of paedophiles / kidnappers / drunk drivers and baby eating bears in the vicinity so I felt I was allowed to be fairly chill.

Like Gatsby, she just saw the opportunity. Before I knew it she had toddled over to the pushchair, threw her toys out of the pram (literally) on a one woman mission for her very first biscuit. Packet found she flung it open, grabbed a biscuit and hurled the rest across the grass. I was watching amused by this point but wasted biscuits are no laughing matter. I scolded, I threatened the naughty step and I beat her repeatedly with a cane but she still held on to a corner of the biscuit.

Oh fuck it I thought, she obviously really wants a corner of a biscuit. So I just irresponsibly let her eat it and photographed her:

Then we went for a wander around, oh it was lovely.

Yorkshire fact: the district of Newsam was owned by the Knights Templar hence Temple Newsam. Ps I previously gave a fact that Mary Queen of Scots stayed here and that was wrong. It was in fact the birthplace of her husband. Naughty me, I do intend to fact check before publishing in future.

Fin.

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