9th May: Banana, gingerbread, bargains, brownies, poo, baths, more banana and some giggles

I’m currently sat in the car, in the rain…again. Sleeping Beauty is in the back and we are outside the house. We left in a big rush because my little friend wanted a lie in but I wanted to go to my single mums Gingerbread meet up in York. I was trying to be efficient so Emily had her breakfast partially in the high chair in the bathroom and then in the bedroom whilst I was getting ready. This means I have mushed banana on both my bedroom and bathroom floor as well as the upstairs high chair. Gross.

After the Gingerbread meet up we finally got around to visiting Cots to Tots in Haxby (the village is pretty too, see above). It’s a new and used baby shop so everything is cheap but it feels more like a new shop than a charity shop as it’s well stocked and organised:

I was after a wooden ride on walker, which is a bit of a tall order for a small shop and unsurprisingly I didn’t find one so I may just buy a new one like this. Weirdly we bumped into my friend and Emily’s friend there, massive coincidence as we both live 40 minutes away. She had just bought this activity table which retails at £110 new but I thiiink she got it for £30 and it looks pretty much new. Amazing bargain. We just bought a couple of toys, the hammer thing for £4 and the stacking animals for £3 (I’m saving the animals for when she is older) I must admit I had a play with the animals when I should have been washing up. Stacking them is actually much harder than jenga. I wanted a photo but I am such a shaky jake my attempts were so poor I didn’t bother.

Our friends had time for a quick coffee and brownie with us. The babies smacked on soft courgette and aubergine. Little do they know how much better our snacks were. I can’t actually remember the name of where we went…but it was just opposite Cots to Tots. It was a cute vintagey place with old newspapers from the 30s to 50s to read. I’ve included a photo in the cover image but I was too busy scoffing brownies and chatting to get a picture until my friend rushed off for her parking so you’ll only get the leftovers.

After coffee we went to a couple of charity shops. I liked the look of this size 8 M&S dress which was a bargain at £3 but I genuinely looked pregnant:

It’s not even baby weight, I lost that, it’s five donuts in a day weight. I flatter myself that it is what people would describe as a ‘very neat bump’ if I was pregnant. But I’m not pregnant. I think I need to stop eating a week’s worth of treats every single day. However whilst I wasn’t enjoying my reflection this little one was pure positivity and loving the mirror:

After a writing pause we are now in the house. It was a terrible, terrible interlude. Emily woke screaming ‘I have poo-d my pants’ ‘I want your milk’ ‘I also need a cuddle’. The poo was dealt with first (skip to next paragraph to avoid detailed poo boredom). I got a mat out and then took her tights off…the poo was widespread and she was SCREAMING and thrashing around. She wanted to climb onto me and cuddle and drink milk but I was not prepared to have all of me and the rug covered in lumpy lumpy poo with aubergine clearly evident. I tried to get what I could with the baby wipes but it was all the way from feet to neck by this point. It was also getting flicked around the rug. Luckily a muslin was in grabbing distance so I wrapped her up in it and we went off to the bathroom. Whilst the tub was filling she had some milk and I had to balance a poopy baby on my lap whilst balancing myself on the bath side and hoping the poo toes weren’t touching my jeans. Of course the banana was still there and I covered my socks and then her clean baby towel in it. Eventually she agreed to go in the bath and saw the funny side, giggling at me whilst she sat in the bath and I looked around at all the banana and shit spread around me thinking fuck my life.

We are currently cuddling on the sofa having yet more milk. I still need a wee. #mumlife

I shouldn’t complain though really, a few of her baby friends are in the biting the nipples till they bleed game. I’d rather be covered in poo than have bleeding nipples. Sometimes I feel like they should send me into schools to tell parenting and pregnancy anecdotes in a bid to reduce teen pregnancy rates. I could also tell them how much fun getting drunk at University is as an alternative. Carrot and stick approach.

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