1st May: Caterpillars and Chickens

Inanimate objects are my enemy. Today I was slicing a plum and remembered buying the knife to take with us to the village hall we hired for the wedding. We had a big pile of limes and lemons to put in the G&Ts so we needed a knife to cut them with (photo below for knife nostalgia).

As an aside if you’re getting pork pie envy they were from Lishmans and they were 👌

Whilst unwrapping the knife my almost ex husband cut himself and it was bleeding for ages. Setting up the village hall was an epic effort and he was just walking around confused and bleeding…but also took about an hour to eat a chicken sandwich. He wasn’t very helpful, we were running out of time and had to do the church rehearsal soon. I was stressed. I was quite grumpy at him for bleeding everywhere and being the slowest sandwich eater in the world. I don’t know why this makes me sad. It is not even a happy memory. I think just any thought about the wedding is a strange kind of trigger for me. Fuck off then knife. As another aside if you want to see my wedding photographers blog on it then click here.

That was a long ramble about a knife.

SO TODAY: this morning my mother in law came over. This requires lots of panic cleaning. I’m no cleaner, I’m really really messy. She is not. It is stressful. But we did go to see the chickens and goat at Burts Barrow and Emily actually paid an interest in the chickens for the first time. It was really cute. I also had a mocha and raspberry blonde, all very tasty. They’ve also added a cute play area so I do recommend. There was some thinly veiled criticism about my choice to give Emily water from an open topped cup but WHATEVER I rise above her mum shaming.

After that we went to da club 🐛. Honestly I LOVE CATERPILLAR CLUB. There were many many little babies less than eight weeks old. It was ridiculously cute. Many were smaller than Emily was at birth. One ten day old had both her mum, dad and big sister there. I got mega jealousy at the mum. She looked gorgeous. She had two gorgeous children and a good looking husband. I suspect they aren’t short for cash (based on absolutely no knowledge of them at all). At the risk of sounding like a green eyed monster STOP BEING SO FUCKING PERFECT. Eurgh, happy people who have it all (I know no one has a perfect life but I’m going to wallow in self pity for a few minutes and pretend they do). Some days I can’t even drive down a street without seeing a couple and baby without thinking what does she have that I don’t that made her baby daddy stay?! Then I imagine how happy that family of three is. Fuck my almost ex husband. What a twat he is for making me become a crazy person.

At least I have a gorgeously chubby baby and a fairly fast metabolism. I’m going to exploit that metabolism and comfort eat the shit out of life for the next three months. Baby is getting fairly good at eating as well after a stirling effort for dinner this evening, what a team we are.

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