14th April: Want to hit Joe Wicks?

I imagine a lot of people do. All the annoying ‘midget tree’ stuff aside I used to find him quite endearing but not today. I can just about cope with his Instagram stories on his amazing trip to Costa Rica, his gorgeous hair and fiance and baby etc, not to mention how rich he probably is. He made his money being a cheerful chap encouraging people to get healthy so generally speaking I shouldn’t be such a bitch.

But today he was answering questions and said Indie (the baby, whose name I think is cute but my phone thinks should be ‘I die’) breastfeeds 4-5 times in 24 hours. For fucks sake Joe / Indie now you are rubbing it in. I don’t count how many times Emily feeds per 24 hours as my maths isn’t up to it, however I’m fairly sure we beat that just in the pub yesterday. Today I was stuck for two 90 minute periods while she held my nipple hostage the entire time, plus a thousand other mini sessions throughout the day.

I am so happy that we were able to breastfeed but it would be nice to have a break from being a dairy cow. I’m literally a human dummy. However I should count my blessings as although she does the occasional little bite she hasn’t actually made my nipple bleed (which her cheeky friend did to his dairy maid the other day, terrifying).

Please don’t think I’m getting off lightly though, today she pounced up from a sleepy feed and put her finger up my nose. She always has sharp little nails and it triggered a massive nosebleed which she found pretty hilarious. I really hope I’m not raising a tiny Dexter.

In a completely unrelated tangent the photos on this are nothing to do with Joe Wicks. However I think it’s a cute mug. It’s technically Emily’s (I have a Mama Bear one and my husband has a Papa Bear mug which is soon going to charity as he doesn’t want it) but it is much better suited to a cortado / flat white type thing than mine is so until she stops flinging her sippy cup across the room this one is mine.

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