10th April: Eating my feelings

So I’ll see if my memory will stretch to what I have eaten today:

Hot Cross Buns x 4 (lots of butter)

Raspberry ripple cake from my cake subscription (yes I have a postal cake subscription – see featured image šŸ˜)

Handful of sweets (teeth, the old fashioned ones covered in the powdery icing sugar stuff. Addictive)

Packet of lentil crisps x 2

Two thirds of a large chocolate Turkish delight bar

Fried cheese sandwich with chilli jam

Almost a full packet of Thorntons double chocolate wafer rolls

No idea how many decaf flat whites with whole milk

2 cups of whole milk

Chicken sausages, baby corn, carrots and new potatoes

There is a ridiculous quantity of sugar based snacks on there. I’m like one of those secret eaters from that old TV show. I’ve lost my scales so I can pretend to myself that I’m not gaining weight but ultimately I know that this is ridiculous and breastfeeding is only going to take my metabolism so far.

So why am I such a massive pig? I’m not quite sure if I’m bored (actually yes, I am very bored), taking the whole treat yo’self thing too far, or if I see myself as some kind of professional eater and am interested to see how much I can consume?! (I recently ate a full packet of jam donuts just to see if I could, I’m that type of idiot). It is probably a mixture of all three.

But what to do about it?? I’m not sure whether to bother to be honest! It sounds terrible but I’m not going to be dating for a while so what harm is there in a little tum for a few months? I have three and a half months left on maternity leave (I can’t quite believe that I’ve nearly used three quarters of my leave already) so maybe I’ll just sort my life out later. Nothing like a bit of procrastination.

Seriously though bedtime chocolate wafers are no substitute for a husband, I’m having a shitty evening and a cry in bed feeling very lonely while the little one sleeps. Fuck my life.

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