I don’t know if you’ve ever had one of those moments where you feel like your whole world has just come crashing down? Where you kind of knew this moment was coming but the hideousness of the reality of the situation wipes you off your feet. It takes everything you’ve got away from you. Your mind goes into a whirlwind and you keep repeating the same thing, mine was a 3am phone call to my Dad where I kept saying ‘I’m not ready for this’ over and over. Your body can’t cope with the shock, getting a steady breathing pattern is periodically impossible and you feel too dizzy to stand. I hope you haven’t felt like that, because it isn’t very nice. I especially hope you haven’t felt like that with a five month old baby in your care, because it isn’t very easy.
This happened to me one Sunday evening, although there were a few weeks discussing what was going on with my husband this was the first confirmation that he had made the decision to leave me. It FUCKING HURT. By Monday lunchtime he was at work and I was in bed, my mum had come over to help me pack and get to her house as I didn’t have the energy to do it alone. At this point there was knocking at the door and my mum came back up with the most incredible care package. I opened the box and there was a lovely message of support (which I now keep in my bedside table along with other cards of love later sent by other friends).
Now I will rewind three years to when I was a WEDDING OBSESSED bride to be. I had three regular wedding blogs I would check daily plus many key word searches. Then my favourite blog started a private Facebook group for wedding chat, it started off with simple questions like how to word invites. It then became a wonderful place of impartial support for all kinds of family and personal issues. At one point someone had to call off her wedding after her fiancé had an affair, there was a huge outpouring of love and support for her (she quite often pops into my head and I wish her well, I love seeing her on Instagram getting on with her life, I also occasionally send angry thoughts his way too). Post wedding a lifestyle group was set up for all kinds of chat – sometimes things got a bit heated but we made our own little ‘parenting and baby’ group which was much smaller and more relaxed. We don’t all have the same opinions but everyone respects and supports each other. It really is my favourite place on the internet (…world etc).
At the start of the year my husband started acting strangely so I went there for advice in what I thought was post natal depression / PTSD (as I think he found the birth very tough). Then kept people updated and they knew that there was a potential for a split, one of my friends asked for my address so I thought there was a card coming and maybe some bloom & wild flowers if I was lucky. What arrived made me feel so bloody special and loved, it pretty much restored my faith in people. I opened the box and there was a gorgeous knitted John Lewis blanket wrapped in tissue paper, I thought that was the gift and I loved it and thought how kind and perfect it was. Then I opened the rest and it was incredible YesMum cards to inspire me, Rituals & Sanctuary body things, Neom candle, Hotel Chocolat treats, nice teas, Boots vouchers, Cook vouchers, LZS vouchers for when I visit my sister in London and even a three month cake subscription!!
Everything was well thought out and completely perfect for me. Although I appreciate religion I don’t have a faith personally, but the timing of the arrival of the package did make me think there is someone out there looking out for me. It literally arrived when I was feeling at my lowest. My husband had never done anything so thoughtful in eight years and I really thought why am I crying for him when a group of women I’ve never met have done something more thoughtful than he ever did?!
Part of me thought this is too much I don’t deserve this, then I thought shut up just enjoy the bloody thing! I still can’t believe how generous and kind it was of these women, I’ll always look back and think what a lucky woman I am. It’s funny where life takes you and just by engaging in a wedding blog I was led to such kindness and generosity when I needed it most.
I love women, I’m so lucky to be one and have the support of many others.