I am still feeling yesterday’s bad mood. Frank spent all night on and off barking and whining because he wanted to be in the room with us so now I feel exhausted and sad at how unsettled he is. I’m also stuck in that ‘I did not sign up to this’ particular mood where I endlessly go through all the advantages of being in a two parent household which I no longer have.
But that’s not good for me!! So I’ve told myself I need to flip it around.
For example, I used to call my husband Princess (because he was pretty high maintenance) but this was a disservice to princesses everywhere. I seriously doubt Kate et al would react like him if he found there was only semi skimmed in the fridge when he wanted skimmed, or that I bought cottage cheese with pineapple because regular sold out. This afternoon I wandered around sainsburys thinking how poor I am BUT tonight we can have a cheap dinner of leftover roast chicken enchiladas. My husband would have considered this a snack but that is no longer relevant to my life. That can be my bloody dinner if I want it to be! And I bloody will guzzle all the whole milk I fancy, fat content be damned.
So in the spirit of positivity:
M&S disappointed me all week with their lack of salted caramel and chocolate hot cross buns BUT sainsburys pulled through and were cheaper.
I don’t know why but a certain song at Baby Sensory is way too fucking cheery and makes me look around the room thinking look at all these happy babies in their happy families and Emily is just stuck with me. BUT Emily gets to go to baby sensory (and bloody loved it) it’s in our really nice village so she goes for a ride in the sling down a country path with fields on one side, how nice is that?!
I am STRESSING about the various childcare options. None are ideal and time is running out. And my mother in law wants a phone call to discuss (when I saw that text I told my phone to fuck off at the end of class…really naughty of me. Must watch my language) BUT I can afford (just about, if I never need to eat) to put my child in childcare while I work. I know that being a SAHM is the dream for some people but being a SAHM with no partner would probably drive me to a lonely kind of insanity. And I really like my colleagues.
I reckon three positives is good going for a grumpy woman like me who is covered in coffee and sleep deprived for the second day running so I’ll leave it there.