*ranty, sweary, negative, stereotyping and hastily written post*
Now just to start this by saying it isn’t a thinly veiled way of slagging off my husband. We are getting on relatively well at the moment and having spoken to some other women I am feeling (comparitevly) lucky. He was never abusive, didn’t have an affair, no major offences to report (setting the bar SO HIGH right now).
But bloody hell I feel quite depressed at the state of the world. Two women I spoke to today had partners who were abusive when they had babies. Many had affairs during pregnancy / babyhood. Most of these were long term relationships and planned pregnancies. What is wrong with these people who think they want a family and then once they get it decide to become manipulative psychopaths.
And what gets me REALLY wound up is how easily they move on and find new women and get on with their lives as if nothing ever happened. The single mothers are left struggling with the family and don’t just get to have fun and go on dates whenever they fancy because they have responsibilities (and probably no money either).
And another RANTY topic for me to get started on. Money. So many of the men don’t pay! They piss off abroad or just say they have no income to pay maintenance. Even when they do have to pay maintenance it is 12% of salary, full time childcare is £800-£1600 depending on what is available. I can’t imagine many fathers are paying even half the cost of the childcare let alone any of the other many costs of raising children like feeding and clothing before they’ve even started asking for trips/toys/whatever it is that children ask for.
Even if we exclude the mega twats who are violent / unfaithful / drug users I’m still angry at the rest of the arses. When your husband dumps you with a baby, and you literally complain to anyone that will listen (not me…obvs), you hear a lot of similar stories. And it’s not even oh yeah a friend of a friend knew someone that happened to type things. SO many people straight away say yes exactly that happened to my best friend / sister / mum. The stories are very similar, happy relationship, planned pregnancy, baby arrives, thirty something year old man suddenly acts like a student and starts talking about his own happiness and needs. Starts going out drinking / going to the gym / spending loads of money as applicable but generally all three. And because they aren’t left holding the baby they can do whatever the fuck they want with their time. They might have to pay child maintenance but will still be far better off financially than the mother so they can also afford to do whatever the fuck they want. It’s generally that they thought having a baby would be SUPER FUN and lovely and then realise that babies are actually hard work and once they arrive their partners will probably be pretty busy and won’t devote all the time she used to to them / the housework / the cooking / the sex or whatever it is they want. Then they think hang on maybe it would be easier if I didn’t live here?? And then justify themselves by saying that everyone would be happier. Alternatively it would be good if they could put an effort in and be a decent human being. Just because life is hard and isn’t the fairytale you expected doesn’t mean you can be thoroughly selfish and walk away for an easy life.
Arrrggghhh I hate to be a ranty man hater (JK I obviously enjoy it a bit). And I’m aware that a lot of men are wonderful husbands and fathers. I’m also aware that some women do exactly what I’ve spent a full blog saying men do, however I’m yet to hear a single real life example of this so can only assume they are mythical unicorns.
BUT in the spirit of positivity I’ll end by saying I GOT THE PRIZE yes I got the stress and responsibility but I am the one primarily raising this beautiful special little girl and it is an absolute PRIVILEGE to do so and a privilege not everyone has so there is 100% that to stay in my mind.
In other news the baby has been asleep for ages and I’m sat in a car park with a very full left boob hoping she wakes up with a ravenous thirst #mumlife