It is Friday evening and I am sat on the sofa surrounded by hastily packed suitcases, bin liners of coat hangers and bags for life full of spices and tuna cans from the store cupboards. My husband is coming back tomorrow morning with a van and from then on I will officially be living alone with the baby and pets. It has been a difficult week full of negotiating everything, fortunately I am keeping most of the furniture but bought new crockery, cutlery, microwave (which to be honest is a nice change) and will no doubt find cooking difficult in the next few weeks as the few bits he has taken are probably what I’ll need (in a parallel universe where I use more than a plate and a microwave that is).
I’m feeling very angry and resentful tonight, Emily is in a very vocal mood and is trying to grab and hit everything so I’ve barely eaten anything and getting the smallest of jobs done is a challenge.
Being a mum is difficult but when you don’t have anyone to give you five minutes respite you just want to scream and cry at the same time. Also being surrounded by packed bags really drives home the fact you’ve been dumped. I know no one goes into marriage expecting divorce but I’m still struggling to come to terms with the fact he won’t be my husband soon. The fact that he could very soon be with another woman is something I can’t quite process, as far as my brain works I am his wife and that is the end of the tale.
So tonight I’m doing what I always do and having a good old moan. First of all a pep talk with my Dad who reminds me of the very obvious fact that yes life is very unfair, but when you sit and dwell on how unfair it is you aren’t going to feel any better about it! Then I moved onto my online mum friends who are an absolute godsend at times like this, many a virtual hug and love was sent as well as the infinitely sensible advice “everything will be alright in the end, if it isn’t alright it isn’t the end and things can only get better”. So one Terrys Chocolate Orange and a good handful of Percy Pigs later I am tucked up in bed with a sleeping baby by my side, although life is far from perfect I’m feeling a little less like the angry creature I was earlier.